Lately Ugo has been blogging about some important issues about men, women, relationships and gender roles. Some of the things he mentioned about women where interesting and very true. They made me think about other women and myself and made me realize there are some women out there who just don't want to admit things about themselves. Now I'm not talking about secrets, like your age, your weight, guilty pleasures and the like, what I'm talking about is confidence and how we gain it.
This is what Ugo mentioned in his blog:
"The reason why Women are concerned with their self-image is because a woman's confidence is built in her feelings, "If I look good, I'll feel good.". NO this is NOT vanity. This a desire to look nice, clean, neat, and up to a standard that she deems attractive. Hence why women have "That cute outfit." or "those cute shoes" or get their hair done, nails done, ect. ect. Women would argue that those were pressures put on them by society, but I've never met a guy who wouldn't date a woman who didn't have her hair done or nails painted and I don't think I ever will meet that guy."
-And-
"Women desire to look good because it's an outward expression of what's taking place inward. And more often than not women seeks to look good outwardly to help quicken the feeling inwardly"
* Taken from Ugo's "The Friend Zone #3: How do you Escape or Deal with it?" But please if you want to read this read Part's 1 and 2 first
This is true, as a woman I will admit that. I took a small poll to see how many women would respond to this question:
Ironically my first response was not from a female but from a male whom I know is only 16 years old. This is his response along with my replies:
This kid's gonna make a lot of girls happy if he keeps this attitude. Good for him! But that being said, as my reply states above, there's nothing wrong with wanting to look nice and be a girl. I would think that most women would agree that looking good equates to feeling good. But there are some women out there that want to complain, call names and ridicule women just because they work on their appearance. There are several reasons women may do this: Jealousy, inferiority, an excuse to hate someone, low self-esteem in themselves, or just general mean-ness. So why are we (and I say "we" in a general sense) looking at these women with annoyance and hate? Is it because we think it's wrong to dress up, wear makeup, and look feminine or dare we way, hot once in a while? Is it because we don't think we have the ability to do so ourselves? I'm going to say that I believe that for most women this is a jealousy issue BECAUSE of self-esteem issues. And for other women, perhaps they have a healthy self-esteem and confidence level but it's just not there thing to enhance their appearance. That's great, no one is forcing anyone to go shopping and play dress up but I we shouldn't berate women who want to and those who feel a confidence boost when doing so. Now for the 2 female responses I received:
So here we see that some women agree that looking good equates to feeling good and not only that but it helps boost your confidence in the work place. We live in a vision society, a society that looks, sees, decides if they like what they see and makes choices based on that decision. And it's not just what others see when the look at us, it's what we see when we look at ourselves.
The Closet
The cliche' of a woman going through her whole closet and not finding anything suitable to wear has a lot of truth to it. For most of us, if we don't like how it looks, if it makes us look fat, frumpy, dumpy or old, we're not leaving the house in it! I don't know too many women who dress up all the time but when they do, they love it. It's fun and there's nothing wrong with gaining a confidence boost by buying a new outfit, or dressing up for the day. I'm not an ultra feminine girl, I like my jeans and t-shirts and dress pretty casually but every once in a while I'll go for a skirt or dress and when I do, it makes me happy. I'm not really trying to impress anyone, I'm just enjoying myself. Here's a personal example of how other women react when you "dress up." When I was in Community College I felt like wearing something different one day, so I put on this shiny blue shirt that was kind of dressy and a skirt. I really liked the shirt and I didn't have much opportunity to wear it, so I thought, why not today? I did my hair nicely, put on some earrings to complete my look. I felt good and I was ready to go. A "friend" of mine looked at me with a face and said, "Why are you dressing so fancy for school?' and implied that I was trying to impress someone. This was further from the truth because there was no one to impress. The point is, sometimes we want to look nice, just because. And looking nice, equates to feeling nice, therefore we get a confidence boost.
Fun Being A Girl
Let's face it. It's fun being a girl! There's a vast amount of fun out there for us and it's not just clothes. Hair, makeup, and most of all the wonderful world of accessories! There is so much we can do and I'm not above saying that trying new looks makes me happy. We all need a change once in a while. Change is good, it gives us that "new leash on life" feeling. Even in the world of dolls, Sims and Avi's (such as IMVU), females have it all. I'm not saying we're better, I'm just stating that there are more fashion choices for us. Sorry guys but you gotta admit it's fun to dress up a girl. Not is being a girl in the fashion sense fun but it makes you feel feminine and cheery. Ok...so yes not EVERYONE likes to be all frills and lace. So what if you're a "tomboy" or just don't like the pink/pastel world of femininity? No biggie. But I hope you can admit that there are things that you do, if not desire to do, regarding your appearance, that make you feel good about yourself. Bottom line, there's nothing wrong with wanting to look pretty. It doesn't make you shallow, stuck up, or wrong in any way. You're just being yourself and having fun. Enhancing oneself can be a healthy thing that leads to positive behaviors.
Putting on Your Face
Make up is another story. Make up shouldn't be everything and a woman should feel good with and without it. She should be able to leave the house without it. I'll admit, as I get older, I wear a lot more makeup that I used to. Of course I'm kind of a late bloomer but that a story for another time. I make it a point to try to not wear make up all the time. Some women are too dependent on it to make them feel better and they need to realize and remember what they really look like and to draw confidence from that. Yes make up is fun, I don't deny that either, I'm just saying we shouldn't be a slave to it. There is such thing as too much as well as not enough. But this is again personal preference. A lot of guys would probably say that they aren't attracted to a girl with a caked on face. Everyone has their own reasons for wearing or not wearing makeup, how much, how little and in what way to wear it. I discuss this some in a vlog and pose the question, "Why do YOU wear make up?"
Hair
We know we want it on top of our head and nowhere else! A healthy, clean head of hair is very important to me. Women SHOULD take care of their hair. I'd say that most women would agree that their hair is one of their most valuable assets. It's on your head, and unless you're gonna wear a hat all the time, it's one of the first things people will see after your face. But of course if you have an illness that causes you to lose your hair it doesn't make you any less attractive, it just gives you more to work with, to have fun with the rest of you. You are more real and brave than I could be and you are beautiful. n_n
Reality and Beauty
All women should learn to love themselves and feel good about themselves just the way they are. If you are happy and healthy then you should enjoy yourself and let that joy shine toward others. We are made, just how we were meant to be and when we finally accept that and start too look for things about us that we really like then we'll reach the reality of our beauty and confidence regardless of how we dress and/or make ourselves up. But again there is nothing wrong with wanting to enhance our natural selves. There is nothing wrong with wanting to look pretty and feel beautiful. There is nothing wrong with gaining a confidence boost by looking good, even if it's just occasionally that you go all out. We're women and we have the right to have fun and enjoy ourselves, don't be afraid to admit it!
